Don'ts and Don'ts

I was just reading the book, "An Agent Tells All," and I thought it might be kind of interesting to talk about all the don'ts and bad examples I've seen, lived and experienced over the years since I've been in Hollywood these last 13 years.

I think I have at least 5 really good BAD examples and they are about both friends and acquaintances I've had over the years. The first one I can share because the friend I'm about to talk about doesn't do this anymore. Plus, he doesn't mind me talking about it.

Don't waste the time when you're not auditioning by smoking weed and playing video games.

I know this seems obvious, but there are so many fricking people who do this, it's disgusting. Okay, I'm no teetotaler (I've never used that word before so I don't know if I spelled it right.). I imbibe on the rare occasion. And I don't mean to lecture anyone.

But it's very easy to start a bad habit and let it get worse. Sure, it feels great. You work on occasion, get your unemployment checks regularly, a residual check every once in a while, maybe every week if you have a national running. Why not enjoy life, right? Just kick back, don't let the worries affect you.

First of all, weed makes you worry more, not worry less. How? You worry when the weed runs out. You worry when your buddy just pinched some and stuck it in his pocket. You worry even when he doesn't pinch some because you're just paranoid. You worry when the music is too amped. You worry when the unemployment check doesn't arrive on time. You worry when your supplier hasn't returned your page.

Then you worry when you don't have the latest video game that your friend in Iowa just got in the mail from Amazon.com. You worry if you can get your "one-hit" into the clubs without detection. You worry if your parents can smell it in your apartment when they come to visit you. You worry your eyes are too red when you go into an audition. You worry if the casting director can tell if you are baked.

You worry that you are too stiff during an audition because you decided not to get stoned that morning. You worry that someone will see you taking a toke on your pipe in the car after the audition. You worry when your agent calls about an audtion and you were so baked that you didn't get all the information and directions right.

You worry that staying up all night playing Cool Boarders 5 and getting stoned might disrupt your audition the next morning. You worry if the postman, TV repairman, cable guy, maintenance guy might've found your stash and stolen it while you were out getting food. You worry that rats might've eaten your stash. You worry that you might've already smoked your stash.

You worry when you don't have the cash to pay your dealer. You worry that he'll stop coming by with the "good stuff." You worry that he'll probably start selling you "skunky stuff from Burbank."

It's okay, though, because for a while, things will be just fine, as long as you take a hit and relax with some fine mellow tunes and a good video game you can just watch -- not play -- on the TV. Ah, yes, that's it. Just relax. OH, SHIT! I HAVE AN AUDITION AT 10!