Monday, February 21, 2005

Butterflies and Shame

So, it's Monday now and I'm thinking ahead to Wednesday and the night of my first improv workshop at Cold Tofu.

Trying something new has always been both exciting and terrifying at the same time. And I guess this is why I do it. For the sheer thrill of it. It's my way of bungee jumping off a bridge over a canyon. I've never really had the acting bug. But the adrenaline rush -- now that's something I like.

One thing that I know will work against me is something I can blame my mother for. I know, it's a cliche to blame your parents for your worst traits, but this is something that is actually a good trait. My mom taught me shame. Or, in my case, not to bring shame to her and the family name.

If there's one trait that works against you in Hollywood, it's having a sense of shame and decency. No comic could possibly be funny without somehow shaming their mother or family name. It's a given.

I hadn't really thought about it until yesterday, when I went to a club called Avalon on Vine. Braving the pouring rain and flooded streets, I made it inside, had a few drinks and even danced a little.

Admittedly, I'm a little shy when it comes to talking to chicks I've never met. It's something I've worked against since I was a child. And it's the reason I took my first acting class -- to get rid of the shyness. Once, I mentioned my shyness to a friend and she laughed at the irony that I had become an actor.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the club. Even after a few drinks, I can still be a bit shy, but the inhibitions are loosened. So, before I can stop myself, I've already said what I probably would have been embarrassed to say under normal circumstances.

The point of all this is that, yesterday, I saw this guy who I had "lent" some money to. Truthfully, under the pretenses of us doing a writing project together, I loaned him some money. He told me that when his situation cleared up, that I should ask for the money back. I never did...until yesterday.

So, today, I started thinking about shame, about what my mom ingrained in me, and about this class I'm scheduled to start in a few days. It all sort of makes sense now.


Kuan Yin said...

it's the promise of transformation that draws shy people to acting, also why a lot of professional body builders used to be terribly scrawny. hmm, i am now realizing why i don't fit in with either crowd . . . i don't care to be something else. wait, maybe *i'm* lazy! : P

LT Goto said...

Ah, it's the laziness which makes you overwork yourself to death, both at the office and at home. As they say, guilt makes you go. I think you should take another art class. ; )