I once had a girlfriend who had this dog. The dog would often just stand in the middle of the living room, on the carpet, not knowing if it should sit, walk or run. I watched this dog with some curiosity. But what was more interesting was my girlfriend, who seemed to be waiting for that dog to do whatever it was she didn't want it to do, so that she could scold it.
Well, that's what I'm feeling like right now. That dog. Here, in my office of 5 months, I'm feeling like a dog that doesn't know if it should sit, walk or run. Why? Mostly because I was given a job description before I got here, and then was given jobs completely out of that description.
Not only that, but I wasn't even briefed on simple procedures such as taking days off, so I've been slowly trying to figure out the system. But as soon as I do something wrong, I'm scolded. That's just frigging fucked up, ya know???
There's other stuff that bugs me. Such as the fact that I have a huge communication problem with my supervisor. And, I should say, a huge logic gap with him too. I think one way, he thinks another. And somehow, my way just doesn't make sense to him. Meanwhile, I don't really understand his way either. Am I just in the wrong office? I've never had problems like this before. No matter how fucked up the office politics were, I usually understood the basic processes of the office. This time, the processes seem to keep changing, and I try to change with them, until of course I am scolded.
I hate being scolded. I don't mind being told I fucked up. But I don't like being scolded. It just feels like being treated like a kid, only I'm an adult who is being scolded. That's really fucked up!!
So the other day, I got this job notice from my temp agent. It's a good job. Pays 20% more than what I'm getting now, plus serious executive-quality benefits. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm stuck here in this twilight zone where communication always gets funky and I'm unhappy because, well, I'm always being treated like a screw-up.
You know, I used to have a certain amount of pride in my abilities. I used to think I was a pretty good worker. I used to think I was a darn good proofreader. I used to think I cared about my work. Now, I'm not so sure. Lack of confidence? Well, more like an abundance of scolding!!
I'm working a print job tomorrow. (I can't wait to get my mind off my office job.) I'm playing some sort of yakuza who has a couple of harajuku girls with him. Yeah, I don't understand it either. Japanese company, apparently.