Not Even the Half of It

Humiliation doesn't even begin to describe what I actually had to go through yesterday.

I'm wearing flip-flops and my board shorts, all prepared to take off my shirt inside the casting room. But when I get there, the lady checking us in asks me, "Are you wearing underwear underneath those?"

"Yes, I am. Uh, not very nice ones though."

"Oh, hopefully not Spongebob ones," she quipped.

"No, I left those at home."

"Well, in that case, would you mind doing the audition in your underwear? We need to see as much of your body as possible."

So, I get it. My agent said to wear a bathing suit, which I took to mean swimming trunks. But no, she meant "bathing suit" as in Speedos.

I looked around the room. It was an even split between black and white men. I was the only Asian. One guy looked to be hiding a pot belly under his loose T-shirt. I relaxed and told the lady I'd do it.

Just before I was to go in for the audition, the casting assistant directed me to undress in a hallway which was covered over by a makeshift curtain. There were two chairs there, one covered by clothes. I put my stuff down on the other and proceeded to strip down to my undies. Not nice ones, mind you, but not Spongebobs.

I know that people say that to overcome nervousness, you imagine them in their underwear. But what happens if you're the one wearing underwear?

The guy coming out of the audition room was a good-looking white guy in better shape than me. "It's all yours," he said.

I walked in, pitter-patting across the linoleum floor in my bare feet. A lady was at a computer giving instructions to the video guy behind a camera. She then got up and left the room. The guy behind the camera then instructs me to perform as if I'm a model for an art class. Stand with my hands on my side. Turn around, hands folded behind my back.

Ya know, I can't imagine what the callbacks would be like, but I'll be glad if I don't get one. Usually, there's about 6 people in those rooms, all talking as if you're a dead piece of meat on display.

When I left the audition room, the guy with the pot belly was waiting outside in the hallway, ready to go in. "It's all yours," I said.